you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she looked like the before picture.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
