Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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