I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
