So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
