in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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