take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
