I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
