I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize