I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
