K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize