I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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