well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
