The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
