You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
