I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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