News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize