Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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