my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
