Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize