you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize