i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
