I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
