Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
