i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
