my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
