Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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