You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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