508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm passing your future prison.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just want to make out with him forever
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
