have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
