I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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