So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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