Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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