I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
