Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
