What a fucking waste of an outfit
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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