i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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