If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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