you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
