I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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