The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
