genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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