hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
