some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
