I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
