brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
