I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
