I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
