I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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