That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
