speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
