lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
