When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
try to milk me bitch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
