A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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