Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
