I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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