So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
