Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
