We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
