I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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