hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
