Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
