Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
