my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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