I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
