Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
