He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
