i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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