I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
