Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
