What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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