The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
