Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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