i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
